Saturday, December 03, 2005
Emo Post
It's Saturday. I'm sitting out here on my roomate's terrace, decked out in a lacy brown tank top, chocolate cotton skirt, and blue surfer flipflops (never was one for fashion). The sun hangs high in the sky, warming my face and bare shoulders. Today, the torrential downpours and abnormally cold weather have finally ended. My midterms are over. I've finally found tapioca pearls to make bubble tea, after days of searching.
I should be happy.
But something is wrong. Very, very wrong.
I can't put my finger on it, either. It's an emptiness, a feeling of lack of feelings. There is a saying in French: "Je ne me sens pas bien dans ma peau."
I think back to when I was in Vancouver, and even when I arrived here in France. Usually I'm a happy-go-lucky gal, always resting firmly on the positive end of the teeter-totter (that's a see-saw, for you Americans out there). You could say my rose-coloured glasses were perma-glued to my face, and everything else I shook easily off like raindrops off an umbrella.
Maybe being in Europe has opened my eyes to more realities than I'd ever considered.
bbrr...the sun's hid itself behind a building, cold...
Suddenly my life seems so insignificant, tiny and useless. I go through the motions of eating to keep me alive, showering, going to school and church, and running errands. Hanging with friends provides momentary lapses of joy, but deep down, I still feel the same. Like something is missing.
What is wrong with me?
I should be happy.
But something is wrong. Very, very wrong.
I can't put my finger on it, either. It's an emptiness, a feeling of lack of feelings. There is a saying in French: "Je ne me sens pas bien dans ma peau."
I think back to when I was in Vancouver, and even when I arrived here in France. Usually I'm a happy-go-lucky gal, always resting firmly on the positive end of the teeter-totter (that's a see-saw, for you Americans out there). You could say my rose-coloured glasses were perma-glued to my face, and everything else I shook easily off like raindrops off an umbrella.
Maybe being in Europe has opened my eyes to more realities than I'd ever considered.
bbrr...the sun's hid itself behind a building, cold...
Suddenly my life seems so insignificant, tiny and useless. I go through the motions of eating to keep me alive, showering, going to school and church, and running errands. Hanging with friends provides momentary lapses of joy, but deep down, I still feel the same. Like something is missing.
What is wrong with me?
# posted by Unknown @ 3:46 AM 
Comments:
<< Home
*HUGS*
I know exactly how you feel. Ive been experiencing the same thing for the last few months. My advice: surround yourself with people, go see new places, have fun and it should pass. Its normal to feel that way every once in a while, but don't let it get to you.
Remember Angelica, you are there to experience new things, have a good time, and get a great education. Sure there are ups and downs to life and the good and bad of the world. Just know that you can't solve the world's problems, but you can start with your own by having a good attitude and the rest will fall into place. (sheesh when did i become such an idealist)
As for your feelings of insignificance... I believe every person is meant to, and is capable of doing great things. If you believe in your self and make the decisions that better you life, you will not only make your life better but you will affect the lives of those arround you for the better.
Short version: *hugs* Cheer up, people mis and love you. We care, so get back that great attitude that we know and love. The world is waiting for you so go leave your mark!
I know exactly how you feel. Ive been experiencing the same thing for the last few months. My advice: surround yourself with people, go see new places, have fun and it should pass. Its normal to feel that way every once in a while, but don't let it get to you.
Remember Angelica, you are there to experience new things, have a good time, and get a great education. Sure there are ups and downs to life and the good and bad of the world. Just know that you can't solve the world's problems, but you can start with your own by having a good attitude and the rest will fall into place. (sheesh when did i become such an idealist)
As for your feelings of insignificance... I believe every person is meant to, and is capable of doing great things. If you believe in your self and make the decisions that better you life, you will not only make your life better but you will affect the lives of those arround you for the better.
Short version: *hugs* Cheer up, people mis and love you. We care, so get back that great attitude that we know and love. The world is waiting for you so go leave your mark!
# posted by 
: 10:27 AM
: 10:27 AM
Miss you guys so much! I got my package in the mail, but I'm not going to open the present till Tuesday (well, I was gonna, but my roommate caught me - "What are you doing?! It's not your birthday yet!")
However, I did start reading the card, and it made me cry. Thanks so much, I feel so loved.
However, I did start reading the card, and it made me cry. Thanks so much, I feel so loved.
Hi, I don't know you, but my friend Chris directed me to this page because he had a feeling I would understand what you are feeling. I am 19 and spent 3 months in Taiwan this summer with three other people I didn't know beforehand, at a college in the middle of nowhere. Your situation is very different, but I understand how JUST being in another country can make you feel how you are.
Have you ever seen Lost in Translation? If not, I highly suggest you to. I never really found a way to free myself from those feelings. I walked through the motions each day, didn't smile much, was always counting down, and never, ever at ease. You are right, the feeling momentarily goes away when friends, but the emptiness lingers.
I don't know what advice to fofer, but while you are gone try to make the most of it. Cause then, no matter what you can think "Hey, I am having some really great times here" -- it helps. Try to make France your home as much as you can. Try to create your own LIFE there as much as possible also, because otherwise it's so easy to think about what you have left behind. I don't know what else to say and it's hard to describe to anyone else the uneasy feeling of just being away from home.
Indulge yourself.
I hope things get better with you, just KEEP BUSY and enjoy your Christmas at home!
Have you ever seen Lost in Translation? If not, I highly suggest you to. I never really found a way to free myself from those feelings. I walked through the motions each day, didn't smile much, was always counting down, and never, ever at ease. You are right, the feeling momentarily goes away when friends, but the emptiness lingers.
I don't know what advice to fofer, but while you are gone try to make the most of it. Cause then, no matter what you can think "Hey, I am having some really great times here" -- it helps. Try to make France your home as much as you can. Try to create your own LIFE there as much as possible also, because otherwise it's so easy to think about what you have left behind. I don't know what else to say and it's hard to describe to anyone else the uneasy feeling of just being away from home.
Indulge yourself.
I hope things get better with you, just KEEP BUSY and enjoy your Christmas at home!
# posted by : 8:05 PM
: 8:05 PM
Hey you *hugs*,
This doesn't sound like the perky Gelica that we know... :) Just remember that you're there for an adventure...don't worry, we'll always be here for ya. Just go have fun and bring back lots of good stories and pics...maybe even a French boy?...heeheehee. :D
This doesn't sound like the perky Gelica that we know... :) Just remember that you're there for an adventure...don't worry, we'll always be here for ya. Just go have fun and bring back lots of good stories and pics...maybe even a French boy?...heeheehee. :D
# posted by : 11:45 PM
: 11:45 PM
Thanks everyone for such great advice and support. It really helped! I'm motivated now to keep my life busy with new things. I promise I will go see at least one new place before I come home.
Hey Omar you should write a book! I'll co-author :P
Angelica there is beauty in every moment... Even when you feel like that. Open your eyes and see it... See you back in Van soon!
Angelica there is beauty in every moment... Even when you feel like that. Open your eyes and see it... See you back in Van soon!
# posted by : 1:46 AM
: 1:46 AM
phentermine diet phentermine online with mastercard - phentermine by mail order
# posted by : 7:25 PM
: 7:25 PM
[url=http://www.microgiving.com/profile/ribavirin]buy ribavirin online
[/url] ribavirin 100 mg online
rebetol buy
order rebetol
Post a Comment
[/url] ribavirin 100 mg online
rebetol buy
order rebetol
# posted by : 1:23 AM
: 1:23 AM << Home
